Self Sabotage, Anyone? |
Posted: May 27, 2013 |
Self Sabotage, Anyone? Do you consider yourself an optimist? I do. Or I did. Or I sorta do. Sometimes. Let’s be honest. I think I have had far too much worry and fear in my life to deem myself optimistic anymore. Then I read this meditation thought today: “ My life unfolds in Divine Order” and it suddenly hit me. I’m optimistic when I get my way. When my expectations are met, when I think people are watching. Traffic jam? Cool cucumber. Sudden rainstorm on a picnic? Laugh it off. Didn’t get the job? There’s another one around the corner. At least that’s what I said on the outside…meanwhile my insides were scared and unsure. I was the Queen of Pretend-Land. Especially to myself. Ask for help? Admit I don’t know how to do something? That’s for losers; not this girl. I don’t call that optimistic. I call that liar, liar pants-on-fire. So ok, admitting to the problem –any problem- is definitely one of the most difficult things about recovery or therapy. But for me, even harder than that, is having the willingness to move out of the problem. That requires taking responsibility. It feels safe to stay in the stuckness of my pseudo-optimism. It’s safe to blame. It’s comfortable and it’s the known. Some folks call this self-sabotage. To me, it’s more about a lack of self love. Self love comes when we align with our Divine. When I’m in alignment I can trust that what’s happening and when it happens is for my highest good. Even though I can’t see it. [And usually, I can’t.] There’s no need to be anything BUT optimistic when everything is truly All Good. Including me. Especially me. Even when the storm rages and the sky appears dark and foreboding, THE SUN IS STILL SHINING. It never stopped. Expect the best. You deserve it.
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