I'm Not Ready |
Posted: May 29, 2013 |
I’m Not Ready We all have habits we’d like to break, yes? Smoking, overeating, drinking come to mind immediately because they can negatively impact our daily living so obviously. But there are so many other less obvious but equally damaging, like self criticism, self sacrifice, self abandonment…. Are you seeing the common denominator in all of these? A lack of self love which shows up as a lack of self care. Been reading a lot these days about the neuroscience of changing behavior. [or why willpower doesn’t do the trick for most of us] We form a habitual routine – be it brushing your teeth or avoiding an uncomfortable emotion – as the brain shifts its operation from being conscious to storing in the unconscious. Once a behavior is stored there, we operate automatically and for the most part without awareness. We can only change the habits by once again bringing them into awareness. After you become aware, the change occurs in what I call a “mind shift moment.” So the first step is recognizing that we are in the unhealthy emotional habit. Then we can challenge and change them with a new choice in the moment of stress – a mind shift moment. And the more often we repeat that shift, the more the new habits can become the healthy default mode. But here’s the golden nugget: you gotta be ready. I’ve had clients walk in my door or make an initial call and I could tell, I’d never hear from them, again. And I didn’t. Ironically, the problem wasn’t the problem [smoking, weight loss, grief, etc.]. Not ready was the problem. That’s not good or bad, mind you. Before, I used to push people to make changes and do things MY way. That was all about my comfort zone and what I determined was “right”. I’m learning two things: there is no one size fits all therapy and it’s gotta be on your timetable, not mine. So when you’re ready, find that coach or counselor who supports you and is a good fit. You’ll know, Peaches, you’ll know. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
[Look for my emotional squares quadrant next...a secret to getting unstuck.]
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