You Can't Handle the Truth |
Posted: January 14, 2014 |
You Can’t Handle the Truth Aaah, Jack Nicholson’s famous line…. He’s right --the truth isn’t always pretty, which is one reason we avoid it. We can’t handle the ugly. Another reason we have so much trouble figuring out our truth is because we don't know ourselves. We only know the self we learned to be from others. Then there’s the years of practice spent in denying the truth, because it didn’t “match” our beliefs. Trying to disconnect from that old “truth” is seen as an attack from your brain. [Your heart sees it as abandonment.] The struggle with truth boils down to a battle between old vs new. Old entrenched habit vs new unestablished habit. The mind that desires change confronts the mind that is bound by old conditioning. THIS IS COGNITIVE DISSONANCE. Translation? You are fighting yourself. Countless people get trapped inside this war. Are you seeking to to stop overeating, manage anger, become more assertive, or stop being afraid? The desire to change isn't enough. Motivation wears out. When you relapse into old ways, you tell yourself “I must have no willpower” and you quit. Quitting may not get you to your goal, but it gets you out of the war. The secret to personal change, to learning your truth is to stop fighting while staying the course. Your brain is trained to follow the pathways set down by habit. It’s not behavior change you need, it’s BRAIN CHANGERS you need. The lower part of your brain has HIJACKED the higher part that wants to change. Change the brain by giving it new neural pathways. Without new pathways, your default reaction will be to follow the old unhealthy pathways. Know this: even if your habits are currently "wired" to overeat or to smoke or set poor boundaries, these reactions CAN be over-ridden. Flip the switch. Brain changing process: [repeat anytime you find yourself having a familiar, undesirable reaction.] 1. Notice what default or dysfunction you're about to do. Be an observer of yourself. 2. Stop. Close your eyes and wait until your reaction quiets down. Breathe in 4 counts, hold 4 counts, exhale 8 counts. Do this 3 times. Breathe and count. 3. Now ask yourself if you really need to react in the default way, if you want to or is it just habit. Ask “who’s driving the car?” What you're doing with these steps is bringing in the higher brain, the part that can decide to change and then carry out the change. The part that keeps you from changing is emotional and impulsive - the lower brain. NOTE: The lower brain has quicker access to behaviors than the higher brain - which is why you jump when you hear a car backfire [lower] and seconds later make the decision that you are not in danger [higher]. Survival impulses like hunger, aggression, and fight-or-flight aren't stronger than reason impulses; they are just faster. It’s great when you’re being chased by a bear, BUT HOW OFTEN IS THAT THE CASE? By stopping, you give yourself time to access the higher brain: time to consider, reflect, weigh options, etc. HOWEVER….If you usually give in to lower brain options, ignoring the higher brain’s options, your path of least resistance, your default, has become lower brain directed. The more often the lower brain is chosen, the less often you access your decision-making ability. You switched on the lower brain auto-pilot. That’s why overeaters feel helpless to change their eating habit. They aren't hungrier than other people; they're not weak… their lower brain is driving the car. [right to the refrigerator, I might add…] because there aren’t any healthier roads to follow! So your campaign, [for whatever kind of change you are seeking], is to create a different auto-pilot, a new default. Take back the higher brain’s power to choose. You must do this over and over. Only repetition can rebalance your brain, allowing stronger pathways to be built and older grooves to wear out. Acknowledge your progress. Celebrate the baby steps and the big steps. This additional tool reinforces higher-brain awareness AND it establishes a different connection to your lower emotional brain. Rewire it to see that it doesn't feel good to overeat, lose your temper, or act aggressive, and more importantly, IT’S NOT NEEDED ANYMORE, TO SURVIVE. Those lower brain choices were done in protection. Your lower brain was never trying to hurt you. It was simply running from a bear…. It’s different, now. You are ready to move out of survive-mode into thrive mode. We just need to tell our lower brain. Flip the switch. Guess what? You absolutely can handle the truth.
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