No More Fruitcake |
Posted: December 26, 2012 |
No Fruitcake For Me I used to make my dad a fruitcake every year. He actually liked fruitcake. I hate it. Funny, how Christmas is the only time we ever serve it. For many people self-acceptance is like that fruitcake- hard to come by. When you’ve made a mistake or two, don’t like how you look or feel, your self-acceptance falls into the fruitcake batter with all that weird fruit and disappears. Fortunately, though hard to come by, self-acceptance is something we can definitely learn to access. [see, you’re NOT a fruitcake!] Look at it as a skill to develop and practice versus a trait that you were born with [or without]. ==================================================== Below, some different clinicians reveal ways we can develop our self-acceptance. 1. Celebrate your strengths. “We are much better collectors of our shortcomings than our strengths,” according to Ryan Howes, Ph.D, a psychologist in California. Psychologist John Duffy, agrees. “[Many people] fail to see their strengths and cling to old scripts about their lack of worth,” he said. Duffy helps his clients hone in on their strengths by writing them down in a list. If you’re having a tough time coming up with your list, name one strength each day, he said. “Typically, lists evolve as the old script loses its strength. Sometimes, we can’t see ourselves until we clear the weeds,” he said. 2. Consider the people around you. What kinds of people do you surround yourself with? Ask yourself these questions about the people in your life:
3. Forgive yourself. Past regrets can prevent us from practicing self-acceptance. Forgive yourself, and move on. “Whether it’s about something you’ve done or some personality quirk, it’s important to learn from the mistake made and accept that you can’t change the past,” Howes said. When the tinges of remorse resurface, remember these words: “I made the best decision with information I had at the time.” 4. Shush your inner critic. Many people equate their inner critic with a voice of reason. They think their inner critic is simply speaking the truth. But if you wouldn’t say it to a loved one, don’t say it to yourself. “Our mistakes and our imperfections are not bad or wrong or failures–they are opportunities for learning, healing and growth.” 5. Realize that acceptance is not resignation. Dr. Marter described acceptance as letting go of the past and the things we cannot control. This way, “you can focus your energy on that which you can [control], which is empowering. For some people just admitting that they have a problem is the first step to self acceptance,” she said. 6. Be kind to yourself. Many people are hesitant to show even a shred of self-kindness because they see it as selfish or undeserved. The key to self-compassion is “to understand that weakness and frailty are part of the human experience,” according to Deborah Serani, PhD. “Coming to accept who you are involves loving yourself because of your flaws, not in spite of them,” she said. ==================================================== My personal favorite self acceptance quote is from Dr. Maya Angelou: “When we know better, we do better.” Want to be guided to your inner knowing? Skip the fruitcake and visit my website. Have your new year be a new now.
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