I Can Do It Myself. |
Posted: February 24, 2014 |
Stop helping me! True or false? There really is no way to “help” others. I say true. Here’s how I see it- when a helping scenario originates from me, that’s not helping you at all – it’s me helping me mold you into being like me. In essence, I’m saying your way is wrong and my way is right. Pretty arrogant on my part. Except that’s not arrogance talking – it’s probably low self esteem. You heard me…. Often helping others is based on a need to confirm OUR place in this world, OUR value and OUR brilliance. It may not have anything to do with easing someone’s pain. I get to ignore what I need to work on, I get to be right, I get to be the boss of you, and all in the good name of “helping”. This type of “helping” can be quite self-serving for the ego…. Wait a minute! This isn’t about ego. My helping is altruistic! Selfless! I sacrifice myself so others can be happy. Who asked you, anyway? Interesting point. Is some helping behavior altruistic? Absolutely…but I also know the opposite to be true: We tell ourselves a LOT of things to rationalize our actions. [ i.e. “Look. I’m helping you, so that makes my dysfunctional behavior okay.”] Rationalizing is a great hiding place, isn’t it? There’s another point I’d like to make: whenever I say you need help, I’m saying you are “broken”. And since I’m the “fixer”, I’m NOT broken. I CERTAINLY DON’T NEED HELP. Wake up; ego is driving the car,again, Peaches. No one is broken and no one needs to be fixed. We may be lost, but we’re not broken. Not you, not me. Sometimes the most difficult thing we can do in any moment is to “not help” and let others go through a painful journey. Know why? Because we equate pain with suffering. We make feeling pain a bad thing. Pain isn’t bad; it’s a directional signal. Pain can be your internal GPS. Ok, ok…so if I can’t help, what can I do?
Do these things first, then when people become ready, they’ll know where to turn. Perhaps we need less “help” and more encouragement, support and allowing. To your new now….
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