I’m Not a Mind Reader |
Posted: December 27, 2012 |
I’m Not a Mind Reader In my coaching work, I often ask my clients if they express their unmet needs and wants when a problem presents itself. Care to guess their answer? You might be surprised…. What I sometimes hear is “No.” What I also hear is, “I used to.” Both are learned behaviors, folks. And they can both be changed, if you’re willing. Are you? Consider the “NO”; often we don’t express our wants because we secretly don’t want things to be different. Think we need a spoonful of sugar to help THAT ONE go down… Change carries the unknown with it, and that carries lack of control and THAT carries fear, which is often based in shame. [I’m already exhausted!] If you’re wondering why things don’t change, perhaps it’s because we’ve hidden the real reason under layers upon layers. We don’t ask because we don’t feel worthy. It’s not the surface fear of the unknown, it’s the underlying fear of shame that hold us back.. And that is a horse of a different color, my friend. If things start to change, I might let myself see what’s actually going on. I might see a truth I’ve been working my whole life to deny. Now consider “I used to”: you started out expressing your needs, but they kept getting shot down so you gave up. You think you deserve to be punished for giving up. You also think other people deserve to be punished for mistreating you. Everywhere you look, someone needs to be punished. That’s blame riding the horse, now. [Blame doesn’t feel a lot better than shame. ] So we don’t say anything, AND HOPE IT GOES AWAY. It doesn’t go away. It hides. It gets buried deep. To move forward, you don’t need to change, you need to excavate at this point. Not everyone has the tools, the know-how or the determination to handle either one – the cement of shame or an excavation of beliefs. It’s a big job; I give you that. However you’re already putting enormous energy into staying stuck. Redirect it into moving forward and becoming whole. Change is hard. Changing alone is harder. When you realize you’re worth it, check out your possibilities: http://zippy9991.wix.com/fezzik#!home/mainPage
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